I've had a good life. I've been well taken care of, I've had great friends, and I've been to many interesting places. But recently I've had some experiences that have challenged my self perception, and I have learned a lot about myself. I have new dreams, new ambitions, and an even greater sense of curiosity. It has taken me some time to come to grips with my new self, but I think I am finally ready to share what I have learned.
The Calling
You know that feeling you get when you try something entirely new? Something you have never done before, but yet it is something you feel you were destined to accomplish? This trip has really left a mark on my soul, but it all started before the trip even began. Now, I think my life has changed forever.
When my new humans first drove me around, I felt that I was getting back into the swing of things. You know - carrying out my duty, filling my role as a cog in the larger machine. I had done this before, these were just a new set of squishy creatures that needed to be carried from one place to another for no good reason. I had accepted my lot in life, and carried out my duties.
Here I am, in all of my glory
But then they started talking about a big trip - one where they would need me, specifically, to perform well. They rubbed me gently, talked to me as if I were their child. One of them pretended I was a space ship and initiated a countdown every time he started my heart-engine. They ripped out my back seats so they could fill me with even more gear and stashed some extra fuel and jumper cables. I became concerned. Were these new humans going to drive me off a cliff? Did they even know what sort of vehicle I was?
Kaibab National Forest
Kaibab National Forest
Kaibab National Forest
Kaibab National Forest
Peeking out
Peeking out
I carried this strange menagerie of cargo south for many miles through burnt forests and empty plains. It took two days because the humans wanted to go slowly and stop, even though I had enough fuel, sometimes for hours at a time. Still, I could feel their excitement growing as we neared the destination. We were in a big crack in the earth - or rather at the start of it - and the humans seemed thrilled to be spending several days there climbing around on the rocks in the hot sun or staring at tiny animals in the grass.
A small nook in The Narrows
A small nook in The Narrows
California Condors circle the skies
California Condors circle the skies
Zion's main canyon
Zion's main canyon
An American Dipper preens itself
An American Dipper preens itself
Zion's Canyon Overlook
Zion's Canyon Overlook
Clay
My humans needed a place to lay down when the sky gets dark, so they took me up a dirt road to an old ranch near the canyon. Some parts of the road were bumpy with holes and there was a steep cliff on one side. My favorite part, of course, was a steep section halfway through - my human engaged 4x4 mode and navigated me up past potholes and sand traps while I pushed hard with all of my legs to reach the summit. I cannot adequately express the feeling of accomplishment that washed over me that day - it was my first trial, and I had carried my humans to their destination where other vehicles would have choked. The strange human patted me and cheered while the sane human smiled and laughed.
Wright Family Ranch
Wright Family Ranch
Squirrels building their nests
Squirrels building their nests
Western Scrub-Jay
Western Scrub-Jay
One of Zion's many foot bridges
One of Zion's many foot bridges
Angel's Landing trail
Angel's Landing trail
It got really cold during the dark sky time, so much so that little white flakes started falling on me from the sky. My humans, unaware of the threat in their pop-up fabric nest, lay there doing nothing the whole while. When they finally emerged and the bright headlight returned to the sky, we saw that the dirt road had turned into a clay road. The little white things blended with the sand to create sticky mud that would not get off my legs unless my human scraped it off.
A road runs along the western side of Zion - it offers some great views and camping opportunities, but the more remote areas are hard to reach without a capable off-roader. In particular, be careful if the weather turns sour!
This is the strange human, doing strange human things
Lesser vehicles gave up going up the path; the risk of losing control and running off the edge was too high. But I knew when to accelerate to maintain some semblance of control and we swerved back on course. I tried to ease up a seemingly small hill just before the road, but the ditch proved too welcoming and in I went. Fortunately my humans had prepared and brought traction pads to get me out. Clay flew in every direction, and after an hour long struggle my legs spun free of the horrible goo. I was still badly covered in it, but we were back on the pavement. My humans posed next to me at the end of the clay road - this was the toughest thing I had done in my life, and I was just as proud as they seemed to be.
Going up Angel's Landing the hard way
Going up Angel's Landing the hard way
Checkered White
Checkered White
Spring hits Zion
Spring hits Zion
Great Basin Collared Lizard
Great Basin Collared Lizard
Caterpillars abound in spring
Caterpillars abound in spring
Zion's Canyon Overlook
Zion offers fantastic hiking trails, but be prepared for a crowd along the famous ones. Get your shuttle tickets early for an easier time planning (you cannot drive through in personal vehicles), and expect tough competition. Once inside you can expect to see gorgeous canyons and vistas - The Narrows and Angel's Landing are especially glorious.
Later I carried my humans through the big crack in the earth so they could climb around as they do. I didn't get to see the inside of the crack, but honestly I needed the rest. There were bigger challenges ahead.
The view from Angel's Landing
The view from Angel's Landing
Summer Tanager
Summer Tanager
Tiger Swallowtail
Tiger Swallowtail
The Watchman
The Watchman
Looking up at Angel's Landing
Looking up at Angel's Landing
"The Toadstools"
There are several neat side trips from here, depending on how much time you have. Coral Pink Sand Dunes offers a full day's worth of activities (or more) while "The Toadstools" offers a good hour-long hike, for example. It is a strange and wonderful area.
Sand
The sun dried the clay onto my chassis. My human thought it would just fall off once it had dried, but even with all the force they could muster they could not easily remove it. It added a few pounds, but really that wasn't so bad compared to the gallons of water and crates of canned "food" they had put in my trunk. Besides, it made me look like a real off-roader, and I got some compliments from other campers for "being used the heck out of."
While Vermillion Cliffs is beautiful from its outer perimeter, do not miss out on the fantastic formations deep in its heart. You won't get far with a sedan, but you can get tour companies to take you in. These offer stunning views of sandstone formations like the (in)famous "Wave" (Coyote Buttes North).
The entrance to Cottonwood Cove at Coyote Buttes South
Moonrise over the cliffs
Moonrise over the cliffs
When rocks collide
When rocks collide
A warm belly is a happy belly
A warm belly is a happy belly
Sandstone fields
Sandstone fields
Baby rattlesnake
Baby rattlesnake
But we were only getting warmed up - and things would get a whole lot hotter. My humans drove me past several big scary signs warning of deep sand and potentially impassable conditions. We were going over a plateau they like to call Vermillion Cliffs, and at close to 6000 feet elevation, it would bring its own challenges to go with its beauty. The great headlight in the sky kept everything balmy while it was turned on but things got really cold when it ran out of juice. Reaching the best spots meant I needed to fly over several miles of deep sand on twisty paths, occasionally broken up by a large block of slickrock. Very few others on the road meant we could move quickly but I still felt my 2.4L heart-engine pumping hard to get through. My humans took the air out of my legs to keep me from sinking, thankfully, and I got them to several key destinations so they could crawl over more funny rocks.
The "Southern Wave," the little-known cousin of "The Wave" proper
Coyote Buttes South (especially Cottonwood Cove) offers many acres of fantastic formations, each one stranger and more beautiful than the last. They formed from ancient sand dunes hardened into sandstone and later shaped by weather. While it also requires a hiking permit, it is much easier to get than the permit for Coyote Buttes North and offers a great alternative.
Within Cottonwood Cove
Within Cottonwood Cove
The "Control Tower"
The "Control Tower"
The "Southern Wave"
The "Southern Wave"
Humans are so silly
Humans are so silly
Cross-bedded rock
Cross-bedded rock
I drove my humans all over the plateau over the next few days. The funny rocks changed color and shape as we went, but the sand remained deep and difficult. I could feel the weight in my belly getting lighter as the humans ate and drank the provisions they had stocked up, but my own fuel was getting thin as well. Sand choked up my air filter and covered my insides. Wind blew fine dust in every direction, forcing my humans to cover their faces or hide inside of me. While I enjoyed the challenge, I knew I would need to get back to civilization soon if I wanted to stay in good working condition.
White Pocket's formations are fantastic in a different way, offering rolling "hills" and a great view of the plains leading up to the Grand Canyon. No permits are required here, so even if you miss out on the more competitive areas you still have a great option.
Climbing up White Pocket
Looking out over White Pocket
Looking out over White Pocket
Water occasionally pools at White Pocket
Water occasionally pools at White Pocket
White Pocket's dunes
White Pocket's dunes
My last trip through the sand was the toughest, but I had a friend this time. A fellow Jeep named "Rubi" had gotten stuck ahead of me, and once they were freed by a couple of helpful passersby, we collaborated to reach a big wavy rock at the summit of a giant mountain of sand. The humans loved this, and I felt a rush of transmission fluid-induced joy carrying them through the toughest parts of the plateau. When it was all over, my humans refilled my legs with air and chatted with their new friends while they did the same to their Jeep. I never thought I could bond so well with another vehicle, but going through rough terrain together seems to do it. I hope I get to careen over more sand with Rubi some day.
I watch in the distance as a giant SUV gets pulled from the sand I just flew over; they slowed down partway through and paid the price
Crawling with all-wheel-drive vehicles, Peek-A-Boo and the White Wave offer particularly challenging off-road terrain. While we navigated through successfully, we saw two other vehicles get stuck and need a tow. The formations are beautiful but the main attraction for most seems to be the off-road journey. Many tour companies will also take you there, either in rented dune buggies or in converted army trucks depending on your preference.
The parking lot for the "White Wave"
The parking lot for the "White Wave"
The "White Wave"
The "White Wave"
Sandstone layers at the "White Wave"
Sandstone layers at the "White Wave"
The "White Wave" and its rock formation
The "White Wave" and its rock formation
Stone
A particularly strange and unpopular place exists near Lake Powell. It's not unpopular because it is strange, or because it is not beautiful, but rather because people don't really know about it and it's tricky to reach. That, of course, meant that my humans wanted to go.
The road to Alstrom Point winds its way over some very alien landscapes in Glen Canyon, and it's easy to think you are on a different planet as you navigate. The strange terrain is mostly a result of the cryptobiotic soil crusts, a very fragile but important process for the wilderness. While going off the road is strictly prohibited here, dozens of ATVs can still be seen tearing up the landscape on the weekends, causing more erosion and irreparable damage to the crusts. Unfortunately, these landscapes may never fully recover.
Cryptobiotic soil at Glen Canyon
Alstrom Point
Alstrom Point
Sunset over Lake Powell
Sunset over Lake Powell
The strange landscape around Glen Canyon
The strange landscape around Glen Canyon
Lake Powell
Lake Powell
Sunset at Alstrom Point
Sunset at Alstrom Point
This was again a new experience for me. Rather than going fast to avoid getting stuck, the challenge became going slowly to avoid hitting my belly on pointy things. We crawled up to the top of the plateau called Alstom Point so that my humans could set up their cloth shelters overlooking the lake below, but they had not anticipated nature's power at the top. Constant gusts and a hard surface meant my humans could not tether the shelter down well enough, and even if they tried (which they did - silly creatures) it would bend the shelter and push it over. I stood strong, however, and the funny-looking human eventually gave up and suggested they sleep inside of me instead. The storm hit just after the great headlight turned off, and I held off the freezing wind and rain through the night while the humans balled up and groaned softly in my seats.
The tip of Alstrom Point
It's not always stormy at the top, so don't get discouraged from camping! Getting to the very tip requires high clearance and some off-road experience, but there is a viewpoint a couple of miles from there that most all-wheel-drive vehicles should be able to reach, and a quick hike should get you to the main viewpoints. You'll get a great view of one of Lake Powell's many "arms" and Gunsight Butte from a couple of thousand feet above the lake, and if you look closely you'll be able to see Navajo Mountain in the distance.
Storms bring rainbows, too
Storms bring rainbows, too
Alstrom Point
Alstrom Point
Exploring Alstrom Point
Exploring Alstrom Point
Lake Powell
Lake Powell
Lake Powell
Lake Powell
This particular trip seemed to inspire my humans for more rock-viewing, so they took me back towards what they called Grand Staircase-Escalante. Why do humans come up with such strange and long names for big rocks? In any case, they were hunting slot canyons, and I took them to some of the best. 
The Cottonwood Canyon Road is beautiful by itself and is worth driving through, particularly for sunsets, but it also has a few other sights along the way - the Hackberry trail, Grosvenor Arch, and a couple of slot canyons that tend to be less frequented. Don't expect fancy accommodations and you'll be fine.
Overlooking Cottonwood Canyon Road
Cottonwood Canyon Road
Cottonwood Canyon Road
Buckskin Gulch
Buckskin Gulch
Buckskin Gulch, but only when it's dry
Buckskin Gulch, but only when it's dry
I dropped them off near Bull Valley Gorge after a somewhat rough section of road so they could crawl around some more. This was the tightest crack in a rock I had ever seen them go into, and it wasn't particularly easy for their short little legs to climb up and down the crevasses. They found the remains of an old truck that had been driven off the side of the canyon above them and gotten stuck in the crack, never to get its oil changed again. I hope it didn't inspire my humans to create their own art - for now, I will trust them.
Bull Valley Gorge
Bull Valley Gorge
Looking through a sandstone "keyhole"
Looking through a sandstone "keyhole"
Poor choice of owners
Poor choice of owners
Bull Valley Gorge, looking up
Bull Valley Gorge, looking up
Water
The humans wanted to go to the popular Antelope Canyon, but I couldn't take them there myself - there's a rather large river in the way. Instead, I let them off and in the care of a thing called a "kayak," which apparently can move over water, but the humans have to wave their arms around for it to go. They must not have thought it through all the way because on their way back the wind picked up, blew against them, and completely prevented any forward progress. They were saved by some friendly fishermen who had a heart-engine on their kayak and was able to drag them back to me, but I think they learned their lesson - don't leave me behind in favor of a flimsy piece of plastic!
Canyons by kayak
You can reach lower Antelope Canyon by boat via the Colorado River, and many will kayak, paddleboard, or jet-ski their way to the mouth of the canyon this way. It doesn't take long for Antelope to live up to its reputation, and it makes a great day trip, just expect a lot of crowds in the early parts of the canyon.
Lower Antelope Canyon
Lower Antelope Canyon
Horseshoe Bend
Horseshoe Bend
Horseshoe Bend by Kayak
Horseshoe Bend by Kayak
Lower Antelope Canyon
Lower Antelope Canyon
There is another rock crack the humans enjoyed, this one carved from millennia of running water. Though I could have used the bath, getting there meant the humans needed to crawl down a steep ravine, and that's more their thing than it is mine. I waited patiently for them to get back. Besides, I still had more dirtiness to accumulate.
California condor
California condor
Getting the sweet stuff
Getting the sweet stuff
Copper
Copper
Chickadee
Chickadee
The Subway, as it is called, can be reached either "top down" or "bottom up." The best way to experience the place is to start at the top, but you'll need wetsuits and rappelling gear. You still get a nice hike and views of part of the Subway itself going bottom up, though, so don't worry. Just be sure to get your permit early, as this one is also fairly competitive.
The Subway's lower portion
Trail to The Subway
Trail to The Subway
Trail to The Subway
Trail to The Subway
The Subway
The Subway
The Subway
The Subway
Salt
By now the humans had gotten a lot of the clay off of my chassis by picking at it, bit by bit, with the help of whatever leftover water they had sitting around. The silly one had "forgotten" that I was silver, and acted surprised when my true colors showed. I wasn't fooled.
Sparrow
Sparrow
Checkerspot
Checkerspot
Great-tailed Grackle on the hunt
Great-tailed Grackle on the hunt
Red-Winged Blackbird
Red-Winged Blackbird
As I took our much lighter load back north, the humans decided to stop at one last playground for me. They took me out on a big, empty field - but it was all white. "Oh no," I thought, "I remember what happened the last time white stuff fell from the sky." But this stuff was different - rather than being cold, it was really hot! It stuck to my legs and chassis, though, leaving me with a white trim. It felt itchy, and I hoped I'd be able to get it off quickly. My humans realized it was uncomfortable and quickly took me to a car wash to round out the adventure.
Up to my struts in salt
The Bonneville Salt Flats formed when an ancient lake dried up, leaving lots of mineral deposits in the area. It's beautiful, huge, and very sticky. A track is laid out further back to help with measuring land speed, and it was the site of several record-setting runs. If you're going to take your car out, make sure to wash it off quickly to avoid corrosion!
Bonneville Salt Flats
Bonneville Salt Flats
Salt pool
Salt pool
Bonneville Salt Flats
Bonneville Salt Flats
The Horizon
Now that I'm back in my parking spot - safe from the elements, squeaky clean, and with my oil changed and legs rotated - I've had some time to think back on this adventure. I've realized there are different kinds of vehicles, those that go adventuring and those that do not. I've learned a lot about myself and my dreams, and I can say that I am one of those vehicles that wants adventure. Maybe I'll see you out there braving the elements too - I certainly hope so.

-Silverback the Renegade

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